The best nonsense money can buy!
Self potrait Doll
Price : £123
Have a ‘Mini Me’ action figure made of yourself! We got one done for Bizarre art director Dave Kelsall, but he insisted on pulling kooky cross-eyed faces in the photos we sent to the sculptor, so his doll looks 82 per cent Dave, 18 per cent Sloth from The Goonies. “Hey, You Guuuys!”
Metallica Lullaby CD
Price : £12.95
The sky is beginning to ‘Fade To Black’, but getting your baby to sleep is like ‘Pulling Teeth’. Stick on this CD of Metallica tracks played on bells and harps, and ta-da! ‘Enter Sandman’.
Price : £11.99
When it’s brass monkeys outside you’ll be glad of a warming brew from this cup, with its handle shaped like brass knuckles. Alternatively, you could fill it with punch.
Kate Bush T-shirt
Price : £19.99
The Mighty Bush was years ahead of her time. If only she’d been US president instead of that other Bush, the last eight years could have been more ‘Wuthering Heights’ and less ‘blathering shite’.
Ben Westwood Lunch Box
Price : £24.99
A saucy sarnie holder decorated with sordid snaps by designer Vivienne’s erotic photographer son. Bizarre suggests you pack a couple of phallic veggies and a nicely tossed salad.
Barbed Wire Leather Rose
Price : £24.95
Got a fetish for the aroma of leather, but find it hard to explain why you keep getting caught sniffing driving gloves in Halfords? It’s totally acceptable to smell flowers,
so buy this cow-skin rose and inhale away. Just be careful with those spikes.
Price : £1.49
This divine dark Swedish beer is the perfect tipple for hungover dyslexics who need “hair
of the god”. When they remember that, after downing seven of these the night before, they dry-humped a bollard, then pissed in the fridge, remind them God works in mysterious ways.
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